Archive for April, 2010


The woman on the train

I saw her get on at 14th Street. There were a few empty seats, but she sat down on the floor without looking around. This odd behavior immediately drew more of my attention, and I began to notice the blemishes on her skin and the odd grayish color of her hands. I wondered if she was a heroine addict.

She frantically searched through her purse, placing various items on the floor without regard for hygiene. The anguish on her face was ambiguous, something between dread and annoyance. I wondered if she was desperately trying to find her drugs. Her face changed immediately when she found what she was looking for. It was a bottle of perfume. She splashed copious amounts on her neck, followed by copious amounts on her crotch. That’s when I concluded that she was probably a prostitute.

After the foundation was applied, her facial blemishes became invisible, but there were still abnormal blemishes on her legs which she did not seem to care about. She spent the next ten minutes applying makeup and brushing her hair. She finished just in time to get off the train at 36th Street. A subtle scent of homelessness wafted in the air as she walked passed me. I wondered if her next client would notice or care.

Melon Fart

A very attractive woman was standing behind me in line an the supermarket today. She smiled at me and I smiled at her. I suddenly noticed a scent emanating from her that was a mixture of honeydew melon and fart. I immediately turned away and ignored her. A few minutes later, I checked again. We had moved a significant distance and I was wondering if the odor might have been coming from something else in the vicinity of where we had been standing. The odor was still coming from her.

Obama

Every time I see “Obama”, I pause for a moment and wonder why Osama bin Laden has so much power in this country, before I realize that I misread the name.

Designcontest.net

I got banned after only three days. I should have anticipated this. I had a rough start when I couldn’t submit an entry after working on it for two hours. The problem is that they demand 10 forum comments/posts before anyone can participate. Many of the posts that I looked at were closed. I found a few that I could comment on but not enough. My work was wasted.

I considered abandoning the site at that point, but I gave it another try. I eventually found their “hangout” thread and complete the necessary requirements, but a few of my comments got deleted and were responded to with hostility by moderators. I wasn’t trolling or being argumentative, but they did not like the obviousness of my attempt to get 10 comments.

I finally submitted something, but it was for a different contest. The first one expired before I got my 10 comments. I discovered today that my submission was rejected. It wasn’t because I submitted crap. It was rejected because I used 3D graphics software. This is a really stupid reason to reject a submission. Their official explanation is that vectors can be resized and raster images cannot, but 3D can be re-rendered at different resolutions. It’s actually a vector but of a different type.

A simple rejection of my submission would not have been so bad. What happened is I submitted twice. The first submission was missing the name of the company, so I submitted a revised version. Both of my submissions for this specific contest got rejected. There is a 30 point penalty for each rejection and I only had 10 points. That means I now have -50 points, which is an automatic ban.

This was the submission that got me banned:

For my sister’s 16th birthday, my father decided to celebrate with pizza. It was the only time that this had ever been done. Most birthdays were completely ignored, except for my grandmother’s birthdays, which were celebrated with cake. I was 5 years old at the time, and I still recall this event very clearly. Everyone ate the pizza except for me.

My mother had decided that I was too young to eat it. I’m not sure if she thought I would choke on the cheese. It didn’t make sense to me then, and it still does not make sense to me now. I was irrationally excluded from many family activities with my age being the excuse, but the ones relating to food are most vivid in my mind. I was also excluded from eating noodles once because my mother was convinced that I would choke on them. I was four at the time. I don’t recall if I cried, but my mother eventually gave me some that she broke into small pieces. I didn’t want it anymore at that point.

My family had pizza together yesterday. We got together for our annual visit to the cemetery. After the event, my mother decided to get pizza for us. It was the first family pizza event since my sister’s 16th birthday 29 years ago. I seriously considered eating the pizza despite knowing that it would make me ill, but I decided against it, because I did not have lactase with me and I did not want diarrhea during the long journey home. The reason that I wanted to eat the pizza was because of a psychological theory which is highly questionable. The theory is that reenacting traumas with a different outcome from the original can have a significant therapeutic effect.

I often think about how much of my relationship with food was shaped by the psychological traumas. Some of my food sensitivities most likely have a physiological basis. My lactose intolerance is very common among Chinese people. Some reactions are less clear, and do not necessarily manifest in a physiologically observable form. Since I started cooking for myself, I have always felt terrible after eating my mother’s cooking. This could be mostly or entirely psychosomatic. She doesn’t use certified organic ingredients, and she tends to be less hygienic in her food preparation, but my reaction is mostly just a very bad feeling inside. I don’t hurt and don’t consistently get diarrhea from eating her cooking. I just can’t think clearly and feel very weak. Most “bad” foods do this to me.

During my journey home, I took a brief detour to buy pizza. I considered getting the regular kind, but I had already been poisoned by my mother’s cooking earlier, and I didn’t want to do much more damage. I decided on certified organic pizza with no extra toppings. That was dinner last night, along with lactase, probiotics, and a multitude of other supplements. It just wasn’t the same eating it alone. I had mild diarrhea this morning, but I feel fine.